Posts tagged ‘Life’

May 22, 2011

Be Kind

Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. Sometimes, we are are own worst enemies. The little voice in our head can say the cruelest things about ourselves. But why do we listen to that little voice in our head? It’s not always speaking the truth. My favorite part is when I argue with that voice when it says something negative about what I did or didn’t do. Instead of being kind to myself over a mistake, that little voice beats me up and I have to stop myself from believing it when it says “You’re a failure,” or “That was stupid”, or “You shouldn’t have done that” or “Why did you say that”. I have to stop myself when I start and say “No ego, I am enough, so cut the verbal abuse”. These doubts and criticisms are just thoughts and yet we can give them so much power and believe them to be truth, when in reality they’re not. We can change those thoughts and by using positive affirmations that are kind and don’t tear us down.

The past couple of months have been hard for me to be kind to myself, especially after a recent breakup. Thoughts of what happened and how we got to that point kept turning over and over again in my head, blame was being placed, not on him or by him, but on myself from myself. A common thought that came to mind was that I was a failure. Coming from a place of strength, I know I’m not and I had many great lessons that I needed to learn, so how could that be failing if I learned that much? It’s not. But every now and then that little voice pops into my head trying to tear me down. People fall in and out of love and it doesn’t have to do with right or wrong, bad or good, it just is what it is and it’s not failure and to judge myself over something I can’t control is not fair. Yet I find myself beating myself up often over many things in my life that I have no control over. But by becoming aware of it, I am kinder to myself and think in more positive terms when my doubts come along.

I had an amazing meditation the night before the breakup. I was completely lost about what to do and had been lost for quite some time. I didn’t know how to fix anything.  I couldn’t fix it though, it was broken in a way that I didn’t have the knowledge to fix. At the time, I felt completely unloved by myself,  and that voice in my head would not stop with the doubts and insecurities, which I’m certain didn’t help my situation. The key to happiness is loving oneself unconditionally. Well no wonder I was so miserable, I was not showing myself the kindness of unconditional love; I was not being compassionate to myself. After realizing this, I knew I needed to find that love deep within myself to prepare for what was to come, what I knew needed to come. As I meditated I asked for guidance on love and I asked for love. Over and over I repeated a simple mantra, “Love”. As the world faded and my mind silenced, I felt my body relax and could only hear the soft repetition of “love”. After some time had passed, I heard the words, “You are loved. You are loved.”  Actually hearing and believing those words made me cry tears of joy. Being kind to oneself is loving oneself. Know that we are each amazing perfect and whole, something my loving mother and aunt always say to me when they know I’m in doubt.

Once we have the loving kindness toward ourselves, it’s easy to love and be kind to those around you. I’m much more pleasant and much more compassionate to even those I meet on the street. A common word for me would already be “sweetheart”, but sometimes I’m not that sweet and may pass judgment too quickly. I’ve been focusing on loving kindness to those in my life that I know and those that I may have never met.

Part of being kind is also the ability to be compassionate towards others which I find rewarding and liberating. By putting myself in others’ shoes and trying to see the world through their eyes, I have been less judgmental. Everything is about perspective and we all have a different story to tell and a different past that brought us to this very moment. That is what makes each and everyone of us unique and beautiful. I realize it is important to release my expectations and let go of judgment because those expectations and judgments are really what leads me to my frustrations, mis-communications and emotional pain. The great part about this is realizing that other peoples’ actions and thoughts have absolutely nothing to do with me, but rather with what is going on with their lives and I have no control over other peoples’ actions, only my own. That is relieving. I feel blessed to share other peoples’ experiences with them, but in order to do that sincerely, I try to see it through their eyes. This makes it a lot easier to be compassionate when someone does something that I don’t necessarily agree with.

One last thought I want to share is that I have learned a sincere smile can go a long way. I’ve been trying to smile more often even to complete strangers or when someone enters the room. It is a welcoming, nice act and immediately makes someone feel comfortable. I have also found that it makes me feel more comfortable. I really like the new, more loving me, but as all growth is spiral and not linear, I know this is an area that I have much to learn about and am looking forward to doing just that.

April 6, 2011

Accept Differences…. my first ABC of life for review

The first ABC of life is Accept Differences. When I first decided to do a blog about the ABC’s of life this first one held me back and I found myself avoiding it. I, at first, told myself that I was unsure how to approach it, because I’m always accepting of differences… or am I? Then it occurred to me, that maybe this is a blind spot that needs to be examined further and hence my strong aversion. Since it is such a difficult one for me, I’ve decided to spend a month of introspection on the topic.

I often tell myself that I love the differences in people, I think it makes the world beautiful. In my core, I believe this statement fully, but still I find myself envious of others who have more than me: bigger personalities, cuter hair, deeper passions, the ability to drop everything and run off at a moments notice, abundance, love, determination and motivation, and the list could go on.

On the flip side, I do find myself more judgmental of others who don’t share my same world views, philosophies, morals and principles. Which is interesting to awaken to this, because growing up I felt that I was being judged and even treated differently because I was different than the norm and I knew that I never wanted anyone else to feel that way, but here I am judging even those who judged me.

So how do I become more accepting of those who I believe have more than me and those who I don’t always agree with? I guess by realizing that we’re all the same. Not one of us is better or worse, more special or less special. We’re all made up of the same basic dna, even though we may look different or see the world differently. We all eat, sleep, cry, laugh, smile, frown. We all come from the same place. What we own and what we don’t own doesn’t define us and it doesn’t define me.

When I catch myself being critical, I now make myself stop and instead of relating it back to me, I become aware of to the other person and what they are saying, judgment free. I don’t make what they say right or wrong, but just let it be. Even though I may not agree that person is entitled to their opinion or way of life. I become grateful for them sharing their life, instead of being critical of them.

I feel like this is a topic that I need to spend much more time on and am going to circle back to it and I feel that it is important that I move on to the next idea sooner rather than later….

March 10, 2011

The ABC’s of Life and My Insights

A couple years back, I was given a gift of a medium, cream marble box. The lid was engraved beautifully with the ABC’s of Life; 26 different sayings for each letter of the alphabet. Each one optimistic, wise, thoughtful and beautiful in its simplicity. There was not one that I did not agree with. At the time I received the gift, I was determined to live my life by these short idioms. As time passed, they became more of an afterthought than a way of life. I thought about them on random occasions, but was never really present to their meaning and impact on my life.

About a week ago, I was pulling out a pair of my once favorite earrings from the box, that I had not worn for quite some time. Trinkets that while I still loved, I had forgotten about. As I was putting on my earrings, my eyes wandered over the engraved words. I found myself nodding as I read each one and even smiling as I envisioned how I had or had not been following them. Examining them forced me to examine my own life in that moment and not to my surprise, I realized how melancholy and apathetic I was about my life and how unpassionate I felt about anything and everything.

I was -less, the suffix meaning lacking. I was joyless. I was hopeless. I was aimless. I was angerless. I was goalless. Okay, you get the point. How did that happen? When did that happen and when did I become so accepting of feeling this way, because I was so clearly not surprised but more unaware of it on a conscious level until that moment. I was happy at one point, I was full of joy and emotion at one point.

Momentarily lost and feeling trapped, by some stroke of divine intervention, I had an idea that I should write about each one of the ABC’s of life and bring it into my life and live that one phrase for a week. I realized it is time to LIVE, to no longer be on the sidelines, but on the playing field of my life.

As it turns out some of these short phrases are perplexing and may cause greater contemplation than I originally anticipated they would need and have decided not to set a time frame for my examination, but rather let it flow until I feel that I have gained some insight and feel that I have opened to a new way of seeing the world and with luck be a little wiser, and feel that I am a little more of everything rather than less.

Here’s to the journey of life…….

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