Be Kind

Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. Sometimes, we are are own worst enemies. The little voice in our head can say the cruelest things about ourselves. But why do we listen to that little voice in our head? It’s not always speaking the truth. My favorite part is when I argue with that voice when it says something negative about what I did or didn’t do. Instead of being kind to myself over a mistake, that little voice beats me up and I have to stop myself from believing it when it says “You’re a failure,” or “That was stupid”, or “You shouldn’t have done that” or “Why did you say that”. I have to stop myself when I start and say “No ego, I am enough, so cut the verbal abuse”. These doubts and criticisms are just thoughts and yet we can give them so much power and believe them to be truth, when in reality they’re not. We can change those thoughts and by using positive affirmations that are kind and don’t tear us down.

The past couple of months have been hard for me to be kind to myself, especially after a recent breakup. Thoughts of what happened and how we got to that point kept turning over and over again in my head, blame was being placed, not on him or by him, but on myself from myself. A common thought that came to mind was that I was a failure. Coming from a place of strength, I know I’m not and I had many great lessons that I needed to learn, so how could that be failing if I learned that much? It’s not. But every now and then that little voice pops into my head trying to tear me down. People fall in and out of love and it doesn’t have to do with right or wrong, bad or good, it just is what it is and it’s not failure and to judge myself over something I can’t control is not fair. Yet I find myself beating myself up often over many things in my life that I have no control over. But by becoming aware of it, I am kinder to myself and think in more positive terms when my doubts come along.

I had an amazing meditation the night before the breakup. I was completely lost about what to do and had been lost for quite some time. I didn’t know how to fix anything.  I couldn’t fix it though, it was broken in a way that I didn’t have the knowledge to fix. At the time, I felt completely unloved by myself,  and that voice in my head would not stop with the doubts and insecurities, which I’m certain didn’t help my situation. The key to happiness is loving oneself unconditionally. Well no wonder I was so miserable, I was not showing myself the kindness of unconditional love; I was not being compassionate to myself. After realizing this, I knew I needed to find that love deep within myself to prepare for what was to come, what I knew needed to come. As I meditated I asked for guidance on love and I asked for love. Over and over I repeated a simple mantra, “Love”. As the world faded and my mind silenced, I felt my body relax and could only hear the soft repetition of “love”. After some time had passed, I heard the words, “You are loved. You are loved.”  Actually hearing and believing those words made me cry tears of joy. Being kind to oneself is loving oneself. Know that we are each amazing perfect and whole, something my loving mother and aunt always say to me when they know I’m in doubt.

Once we have the loving kindness toward ourselves, it’s easy to love and be kind to those around you. I’m much more pleasant and much more compassionate to even those I meet on the street. A common word for me would already be “sweetheart”, but sometimes I’m not that sweet and may pass judgment too quickly. I’ve been focusing on loving kindness to those in my life that I know and those that I may have never met.

Part of being kind is also the ability to be compassionate towards others which I find rewarding and liberating. By putting myself in others’ shoes and trying to see the world through their eyes, I have been less judgmental. Everything is about perspective and we all have a different story to tell and a different past that brought us to this very moment. That is what makes each and everyone of us unique and beautiful. I realize it is important to release my expectations and let go of judgment because those expectations and judgments are really what leads me to my frustrations, mis-communications and emotional pain. The great part about this is realizing that other peoples’ actions and thoughts have absolutely nothing to do with me, but rather with what is going on with their lives and I have no control over other peoples’ actions, only my own. That is relieving. I feel blessed to share other peoples’ experiences with them, but in order to do that sincerely, I try to see it through their eyes. This makes it a lot easier to be compassionate when someone does something that I don’t necessarily agree with.

One last thought I want to share is that I have learned a sincere smile can go a long way. I’ve been trying to smile more often even to complete strangers or when someone enters the room. It is a welcoming, nice act and immediately makes someone feel comfortable. I have also found that it makes me feel more comfortable. I really like the new, more loving me, but as all growth is spiral and not linear, I know this is an area that I have much to learn about and am looking forward to doing just that.